I Have Gotten off Track and Depression Season Begins

I suspected that it would happen.  I'm at another stall and part of it is my fault.  It's the holidays fault.  It's a hodgepodge of faults.  This is a hard time of the year.   While there are some who think it's a wonderful time of year there are those of us who try really hard to be positive and upbeat.  I thought I was doing good but the only thing I was good at was fooling myself.

I am like Cher

If you have ever been to a Cher concert you know that every now and then she jokingly (or maybe not) talks about how good it is to be Cher. Sometimes I feel like I am emulating Cher in my life right now. It is so good and I am so happy that all I want to do is tell people how good it is and to help people smile.  Then something goes wrong.  I sometime think it's a face slap to say "Get a grip!"

 

Emotional Sabotage?

I'm not sure what it is.  Maybe it's because for us fatties the majority of our lives we have been picked on, made fun of and just generally treated like shit.  I get it and I understand for I spent the majority of my life in a small town being an outcast.   I sometimes take things wrong myself, get my feelings hurt or over react to things.  I do think, that at some point we can sabotage our emotions.

ANNOUNCEMENT - Your help is requested.

Some of you may know that I have had another blog that I started repeatedly and then stopped after one or two blog posts.  Last December I decided to make a recipe blog and just like before I made a few posts and then abandoned it.

I have decided to renew that blog and connect it to this blog.  If you look on the menu bar you will find a LRTF Recipe link.  This takes you to the recipe blog and over at the recipe blog there is a link to bring you back.

I don't intend for the recipe part to consist of only bariatric recipes.  Right now there are quite a bit there because that is my focus.  But here is where I need your help.  I need you to send me recipes that you like if you would.  You will receive credit for your recipe and if you include a picture you took of the dish,  I will place your name as a watermark on the picture.

Submit your recipes by dropping me an email.  Thanks for your help!!

Connie

It's not as simple as it looks

To a person on the outside it seems simple.  You have your stomach cut out, or your intestines re-routed and you eat less therefore you loose weight.  Life is then good, right?

WRONG.  So very wrong.  You don't just go about your merry way eating what you want and dropping poundage.  There is actually hard work put into this.  Examining nutritional values of EVERYTHING you put in your mouth takes time and dedication.  Going out to eat at a restaurant that doesn't have a nutritional menu means you have a lot of things to remember and examine the description and try your best to make a good nutritional choices.  The one thing people, including those that have the surgery, forget or don't realize is the way this surgery affects the psyche of those who have it.

Is that REALLY support. Rant alert!!

Sometimes when I see something wrong, I just have to speak up.  I get hurt at times for doing that.  I've stood up for friends and taken a lot of flack only to have them eventually turn their back on me.  Ive helped people to have them use me and then disappear from my life.  Usually when that happens it's for the better even if they end up owing me money.  I hold strong to my convictions and rarely do I change.  Not that I won't because I have.  Not that I won't listen to the other side, because I do.  One time I was told "I don't care who you are, President of the U.S. or a bum on the street corner; right is right and wrong is wrong."  That is the reason for this post.

You are *gasp* morbidly obese

A group of friends and I went on a girls trip to Galveston Texas.  We had a really good time, lots of good food and drink.  Then I saw the pictures taken.  I was so ashamed at how my body looked.  It was round, really round like a big beach ball.  No wonder I have hip and back issues.  I am a freaking beach ball with legs.  I realized I had to do something about this.

Shopping for New Clothes

This post was originally started on September 10,  2015 but not completed until today, September 23, 2015.  

We will be going on a vacation soon.  It's my husband's 40th reunion for the commissioning crew of the USS Spruance DD-963. That's the destroyer where he spent his Naval career once he made it through all his schools.  I need to go shopping for clothes.  My first stop will be my closet.  I'm pretty sure the two bins of clothes in the closet don't have anything that I can fit yet, but it will be wise to check first.  Yes I have several sizes of clothes, spanning a 10 year period of growth into obesity.  I am also somewhat a spend thrift.  I don't want to buy clothes that I hopefully won't be able to wear in a couple of months.

I just love (insert food here)

Let's face it.  People like me, who suffer weight problems have "issues" that need to be addressed.  Some would say we have an emotional issue, others a food addiction and others say it is a behavioral issue.  There's just too many different scenarios and actions to be able to look at someone and say exactly what their problem is.  But one thing I have noticed is that we place too much power in the food.

Blessings

I am so very lucky. My family is behind me in my quest to be healthy.  One of the online support groups have had numerous posts made from people who have friends who are really mean to them.  Or family who are.  I know I touched on this last week but I just wanted to start this weeks thoughts about how blessed and thankful I am that my family is behind me.  My friends are too.

Support or Sabatoge?

If you think this is about you, maybe it is.  Maybe it isn't.  But your thinking this is about you maybe means you need to re-evaluate the way you put your thoughts across.  Without knowing it, you can be sabotaging.

Still Stalled

I'm still stalled.  In researching I find this is common around weeks 3 and 4.  It is somewhat discouraging.  I can't let myself dwell on this lack of progress but instead focus on the big picture.  The final outcome is what matters.

Discouragement Already?

Almost every other day my husband asks "Did you weigh today?"  Because of his heart situation he has to weigh daily and it seems as if every few days he's at a new low in his diet.  I really am happy for him and I know that he is expecting great things for me.  I know he is excited to see my progress.  I've told him a few times I don't want to weigh daily because I don't want to face discouragement.  Yet today I was so discouraged at my weekly weigh in.

I Ate What?

So far the most daunting thing I have faced is the food journal.  At first glance it doesn't seem to be that hard.  But don't let it fool you, it is way more complicated than I could imagine.

I Miss Chewing

Let me tell you these two weeks of soft liquids are becoming unbearable.  My diet consists of yogurt and creme soups.  I throw in an occasional sugar free yogurt and I have a protein shake daily.  Needless to say I am tired of this diet.  Almost to the point that I don't want to eat.  Right now I'm sipping my 6oz cup of  decaf coffee and dreading my breakfast.  Hopefully tomorrow I will find out that I get to go to the next level.

It's The Little Things

Sometimes progress can't be measured in strides.  It's the little things that matter  Not sure if I heard that somewhere or if I just made it up but I like it.  So unless you find you find that someone said it before me please give me recognition.  That's a joke folks.

One Week Down

My recovery has been relatively uneventful, well with the exception of my miracle.  I'm learning a few things that I will discuss.

Tears of Joy

Something happened last night thata has given me cause to write two blog posts in one day.

I really didn't expect positive change to begin so quickly, yet I am already beginning to see it happen.

It's here!!

Wednesday July 15, 2015:  I've actually started this post a few days before the big day.  I knew that I would want to post this as soon as I could following surgery.

So I really can't write much except our plans.  We have to be at the hospital early 5:30am.  That means getting up early enough to take a shower with this special soap.  Like 3:45 early.  I am so overjoyed about that one.  I really don't mind too much.  I want this surgery.  We had to get up and on the road by 4am when my husband had his leg catheter.  So leaving by 4:30am should be no problem.  The drive is normally 30 minutes but I want to make sure to give us time to make detours in case something happens.  I want this.  I really want this to happen so I will make sure if it doesn't happen it's not because I was late getting to the hospital.

Will I Sleep?

Well I am in bed wide awake.  I did laundry earlier but forgot to wash the shorts I wanted to wear home Friday.  So I did a second small load.  It turned out that was a good thing.  My husband had put the first load in the dryer without the dryer sheet.  My new nightgown and robe were so full of static it would have driven me crazy.  I finished dog proofing the living room then took a shower in some special soap.  My alarm is set for 3:45am.  That should give me time to take the second required shower, fold the things I want to take from the dryer and dress.  Several of my friends have contacted me offering well wishes.  Sue called me, that was so nice.  Well I am off to hopefully get some sleep. 

2 More Sleeps

Well it's almost here.  Two more sleeps and then I have to get up before the butt crack of dawn.  There's a part of me that is excited, and another somewhat scared.

Is it me, or does anyone else think about their appearance for elective surgery?

FINALLY!!

WOW!!  A lot has happened since my last post.  It has been a whirlwind!   The first thing is the Supreme Court of the Unites States handed down a decision allowing gay marriage.  Second, I got my approval for my surgery!!  I am not sure which excites me more.

Setbacks

I believe everything in life happens for a reason.  I have to believe that otherwise I would cry.  I also need to make sure I publish my posts in a timely manner.  Otherwise I might possibly have 2 posts in one day. 

When I started my last post, I had a tentative surgery date of June 29.  The one thing about tentative is that it's subject to change and I have come to the conclusion that it will.  I have had two tentative surgery dates now.

Hoop Jumping

Everyone who wants their insurance to pay for their surgery will have requirements from their insurance company that must be met.  No two insurance companies are the same, and no two policies are the same.

My surgeon, Michael L Green, M.D. has a wonderful office of caring people.  From my first visit forward, they have led me through the requirements necessary for me to receive insurance coverage.  I'm lucky, my insurance does not make me go through a years worth of tests, counseling and other medical pre-surgical requirements.

Not an Easy Decision

Not everyone who has made this choice "announces" it.  I would dare to guess that it's not a spur of the moment or a lightly made decision.

Bariatric surgery. 

Usually we have tried to lose weight but to no avail.  We starve ourselves, and if we can exercise we usually hit a plateau once a few pounds are lost.  For whatever reason, we can never achieve our goal.   Now I say if we can exercise because let's face it, to qualify for bariatric surgery to be covered by insurance you have to be at least 100lbs overweight or have a BMI over 40.  Usually at that point movement is not easy.  In my particular case it is damn near impossible.