Support or Sabatoge?

If you think this is about you, maybe it is.  Maybe it isn't.  But your thinking this is about you maybe means you need to re-evaluate the way you put your thoughts across.  Without knowing it, you can be sabotaging.


In this month's support group meeting there were a few people just there to explore the idea of going through bariatric surgery.  They had plenty of questions and got plenty of answers.  One of the things we discussed was the fact that support can come from where you least expect it and that the people you would expect to support you are the ones that sabotage you the most.

Family members are the ones you expect to give you the most support but sometimes they are the first to sabotage you.  Their fears for you having this surgery that they express can put you on the path for failure or to second guess yourself.   One of my family members was worried because someone she knew had this surgery and had problems with it so in her mind that immediately meant that I was going to have problems as well.   Her attitude was halted immediately and she was told that she should keep her negativity to herself.  Thankfully she has done that.  Another gentlemen was given an intervention by his family.  They promised to help him.  To go to the gym, diet too.  That was three years ago and now he is heavier than ever.

Then the friend that thinks you cheated in having your surgery.  Or that because your stomach is smaller, or a pouch with your intestines re-routed, your nutritional requirements aren't the same as a "normal" person.  Because of that you hear things that make no sense and are rather ill informed and hurtful.  They have to eat more calories than you because your stomach is smaller.  As small as my stomach is,  I still can eat a large amount of calories if I wanted to.  But doing so would keep me from my goal.

There's the really inconsiderate who are our spouses or partners and they really don't care.  They didn't ask to be a part of this and they will show no consideration.  They will eat what they want, when they want and to hell with our feelings.  They will sit in bed next to us crunching in our ear.  In my opinion those are the worst saboteurs.  What they are doing is similar to a spouse of an alcoholic getting drunk in front of the recovering every night.  Or a recovering drug addict having a spouse getting high in front of them every night.  Relapse is inevitable, and let's face it if you are obese or morbidly obese you are addicted to food.   For the record,  I have been blessed with a husband that would never do anything like this and who has been my biggest supporter. 

Most people I know who have made this decision have really thought it out.  There are numerous steps one must make to get both the surgeon's and insurance company's approval.  It's not like going to a beauty shop and saying I want this style.  One of the best things is the fact you have to see a nutritionist.  You become educated about the body's needs so thoroughly.

In our society there is just too much emphasis placed on eating.  Big huge portions and that is why our society as a whole is overweight and morbidly obese. Dinner and a movie, dinner and dancing, dinner and a play.  Food food food; so much revolves around food.  I'm not sure when or how this happened.  Then there's the supersizes.  Of course good nutrition isn't always about portion control as so many think.  I practiced portion control for YEARS to the point of being hungry all the time and lost no weight.  In fact I gained. 

I have never had so much problems getting 64 ounces of water in me a day.  I have never felt so nauseated after eating so little.  I have never encountered constipation the way I have lately.   I completely enjoy this though.  I love my support groups and the things I learn almost daily.  I love the fact that I feel physically and mentally better.

Progress from initial consultation to now.

Our nutritional needs in order to live are the same as everyone who walks this planet.  Yes I chose to have 80%  of my stomach removed in order to achieve a more healthy me.  I am not doing this to fit into a string bikini again,  I want to grow old and if I am blessed with grandchildren I want to spoil them rotten.  I am more aware of nutrition and what fuels our body now than I ever have been.  Yes I am losing weight but I am also gaining life and that's what my goal is.   This surgery is just a tool to help me gain a better relationship with food.

So at my weigh in today I find I have finally broken my stall!!  Thank goodness.  The real cool thing is since my last weigh in we have gone on a overnight trip.  I ate at restaurants.  We need to work on our game plan for restaurant meals.  I still hear my parents saying that I need to finish my plate because there are starving kids in Africa.  Damn those starving kids I stop when full.  Somewhere I have a card from my surgeon that says I have had surgery and asks the restaurant to let me order from the kids menu that I need to find and carry.  The problem with that is the kids menu really isn't healthy at all.  Fried everything.   It was also my birthday weekend.  I have to brag.  I had no beer, chips or birthday cake at my party.  I kept to my diet!!  Here are the weekly stats:

Weight loss from consultation to now:  29 pounds
Weight loss since surgery:  17 pounds 
1.5 inches lost