Tears of Joy

Something happened last night thata has given me cause to write two blog posts in one day.

I really didn't expect positive change to begin so quickly, yet I am already beginning to see it happen.

I had that ON-Q infusion pain medicine ball and I was somewhat apprehensive to shower with it in.  Gross I know but I had a sponge bath Friday Morning so I wasn't caked in funk. I pulled the pump out yesterday.  That was strange enough.  For those not familiar, it delivers pain medication to the area needed via small tubes attached to a ball.  Mine was not one of those push the button type of pumps but one that automatically and continuously disperses a numbing medication via catheter to the site.   Luckily my support group had  discussed them in our last meeting so I knew what to expect.

Last night, long after Don had gone to bed I decided it was time for a shower.  I gathered fresh night clothes and underwear and hit the guest bath.  I have been using it for a while because I could sit on the side of the tub if needed and I could walk forward and direct the hot water to the part of my back that gives me excruciating pain.  For over a year now I have had problems standing through a shower without being in excruciating pain.  Pain so intense that towards the end of the shower I am loudly moaning.  I have developed a formula, or steps to make to get in and out as quickly as possible.  I wet my hair, shampoo, rinse, put creme rinse on then I bathe my body.  At that point I can determine how quickly I bathe myself.  My hair rinse and body rinse are incorporated to one final rinse.  

It is not unusual for the pain to hit during the hair rinse and me to rush like hell through the remainder.  Last night I went through my motions and realized "hey I'm at body bathing and no pain; it will hit any minute."  Only this time no pain at body wash.  For the first time in over a year I was able to take my time lathering myself.  Still expecting pain to occur at any minute I begin the rinse.  I was able to get rinsed and then do something I also haven't done in over a year; I just stood there and let hot water run over my body.   That is one part of showering I always loved.  Just standing there letting the water envelope my body is one of the things I always enjoyed the most about my daily shower.  

Still not feeling the pain I turned off the water and stepped out grabbing my towel.  As I was drying off I started feeling the slightest twinges of pain.  So I did what I normally do.  I placed another towel on the toilet and sat down to finish drying myself off.   The pain that I did start to feel came nowhere near what I have been experiencing.  I stood up to check myself to be sure aliens hadn't switched my body with a new one.  I started crying.  

With tears of joy I rushed into the bedroom and woke a sleeping Don.  Apologizing for waking him and saying that I just had to share with him the news of a pain free shower.  I was so over joyed and thankful that I actually was able to experience this so quickly.  I realized it was a miracle, or in my mind it was a miracle.   I when to bed thanking God and Jesus for the wonderful miracle bestowed on me.  Thankful that I was approved for the surgery.

For the first time in over a year I really truly felt positive that this surgery was going to be a HUGE positive in my life and that I was going to get my health back.  Before I was hopeful, but I was also readying myself that I would be faced with a life of pain.

Last night's miracle may have been just a short lived event.  But for last night it meant the world to me!